The life of an artist can be quite interesting. Obviously everything is relative to my beliefs and that is going to create a very specific point of view. But, that is all I can do, is speak from my heart.
I told myself time and time again, that I wanted to be more personal with my website. I am trying, although hard, to dive into my brain on here a little more. I want people to feel connected somehow.
"The Family" - Oil on Canvas (this is a really old painting I did ten years ago, thought it would be cute! )
I start with the statement of how being an artist is interesting, because it seems so out of this world. In Fine arts school, you are basically taught how to look at things, to the point where you almost see past them and into them at the same time. An artists eye and mind work side by side all the time, even if you are not creating, you are thinking about the world in a creative way. It's almost like a movie version of life in your brain all the time. I know that doesn't make sense, but maybe it will too someone.
The lull has set in. As it usually does. The dark period, where creating is harder.
Lately things have been hard to motivate myself. I live in a town where winter sets in like an ominous storm, that is blanketing the sky in grey, ambiguous uncertainty and melancholy. I do love the start of a new season, and snow especially can be quite magical. The flurries dancing across the sky, and nothings can beat the holiday season of lights flickering in the black sky and twinkling on trees lining the streets we drive on. This making the routine hustle bustle driving so much more enjoyable. But the winter still brings the impending sadness.
It is not that I do not enjoy the winter months, do not get that wrong as you read, its just that sometimes the lack of the Vitamin C in the air can cause a bit of " I don't give a F*^k".
The art world is a cut-throat world, and its all based on marketing. Let me tell you, the winter depression that I experience makes this inevitable fact so much more heavy. I....am...the.....worst..at marketing. The way of doing it does not scare me, nor intimidate me, I just don't want to! I know someone out there is going to say something silly like, "Well buck up chump, and get to it!". I am quite aware of this fact buddo. It's just I choose to not want to HA! Very different, that crazy thing called procrastination. It gets you every time.
But, I did not come here to complain. Although, I am rightfully able to being MY BLOG. I do not want that to be the message. I want the message of this to be about vulnerability. The openness to talk freely and honestly.
Why did you title this "Painting what makes your heart hurt"? Well, because if I could stop ranting for one minute, I could tell you that this is the message I want to convey. Through all this rambling, I want to make in clear that I believe in the ability to be free and utterly you. It is so incredibly important. Never let anyone tell you how you should be. Even through all this yammering on about marketing and winter, I am speaking freely. The simple joy of speaking freely is overlooked all the time.
I want to speak freely through my painting. I want the image to just exist and whatever people take from it is just enough for me. Painting does tend to release, reveal, and heal. Paint whatever makes your heart yearn, ache, feel. The art today is so abstract and all over the place. This is exactly what makes art so fundamentally important, because language is restricting, but imagery is not. We can create the most bizarre images, but they do convey a language.
I paint what makes my heart hurt, what makes me feel something more than what the world has to offer right now. The flow of the paint and the colors emerging from nothing. It is a beautiful thing. I hope that someone out there might stumble upon this and just think, "hey cool, I like this". That is perfect.
I will continue this day in the cold winter blues, feeling the breeze hit my face as I walk through the grey, but I feel a little bit better.